Day 26: "It's a Rough and Bumpy...OH MY GOSH I FIT ON THE RIDE!"

Hi Guys--

Sorry I have not been the author of any blogs the past few days/times it was written. I have had a semi-rough past week, maybe a little bit longer than that. I have some indecision about staying in Florida. I have just been really unhappy lately. I miss my home and my family. I miss my friends and being with them all the time. I miss my old life. I DO NOT MISS THE EATING, THE WEIGHT AND NO EXERCISE. LETS MAKE THAT CLEAR!

I want to come home for a few days and visit, and then maybe permanently come back to CT towards the end of August. R and Rich will be going back to school in the fall anyways, and I have decided not to go back to school until January. There are a lot of things going on at home that I wish I could be home for including family drama, birthdays, new borns, and even sadder things. It is really hard being away from your loved ones when so much is going on back home.

I just feel like I am not meant to be away from my family and friends. That is not me. I am so involved with them and their lives and they make up mine, and its hard to be away from them.I miss my family and friends, I talk to them everyday, I am attached to them. And my life is so much different here without them---and I do not like it.

It is also hard with everything that happened the past few months with my father. I think about it constantly and its hard just being away from so many people who care about me. I never went to visit or say goodbye either. It kinda consumes me at times. I went and met with a psychologist to talk about my issues---she said she didn't think me moving was a good idea right away. She said I should have waited a year. Hm.

If I were to come back to CT, I WOULD NOT! be working at Toozy Patza...screw that. Although I have attained strength, willpower and understanding to stay away from food and cut myself off when I am no longer hungry, I just would not like to be in the environment ever again. SO, I would be looking for another job and continuing my weight loss journey from CT.

AND! If you believed in me losing weight in FL there is no reason you cannot believe in me losing weight in CT. I have had a strong drive for eating healthy and exercising and knowing whats right and not to eat. I have kicked R's ass a few times keeping her in check with food as well. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

I HAVE BEEN SAYING 21 IS MY YEAR! AND IT IS MY YEAR! I AM GOING TO GET THIS WEIGHT OFF ME NO MATTER WHERE I LIVE!! AND IF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS LOVE ME THEY WILL SUPPORT ME IN ALL MY DECISIONS! This is how I feel! I am 21 and can make my own choices.

I refuse to get weight loss surgery. THAT IS CHEATING!

R has really set me on the right path and help dicipline me in a positive way. Rich has been very helpful and supportive too. I owe them a lot, they are fabulous loving and caring people. They have already changed my life by helping me lose weight so far and sticking me in the right direction. They are here when I need to yell or vent. Thanks guys, I love you! Don't ever think I don't. No matter what I do...I will always love you!

Prayers are appreciated.

ANYWAYSSS---THAT is just some of what is going on.

YESTERDAY! WE went to Universal Studios and I FIT ON THE RIDES!! I DIDNT FIT TWO YEARS AGO AND NOW I DO! LETS GET A HELL YEAH!! HELLLLLLLLLL YEAH!!!!

Me: R I am not even going to bother trying...I cannot fit on this ride.
R: YES you can. You have lost weight Steph you got this don't you even worry!
Me: R, I do not want to even try.
R: get on the ride! (she nudges me towards the Men in Black lane to get on the ride)
Me: I FIT I FIT AND I HAVE ROOM! OH MY GOSH.

...it was an awesome and exhilirating feeling. Definitely not one that I would ever want to lose.


Rich and Ryan (Rich's brother) decided it would be a good idea to do Fear Factor Live. YUCKY! They had to eat a blended version of old milk, ground beef, worms, ants, spiders and some other nasty crap. My stomach turned watching them...I was soooo not okay with it! haha

At night we went to see Boys Like Girls play...it was the happiest I have been all week. Jumping around and dancing, singing, and screaming with R was awesome. I totally loved it!

...did I mention we were super close and the lead singer is a sexy beast? OH! Because he is... ;]

Ryan actually bought his hat in this picture....R and I decided for the lack of humility to not buy ours :) haha

The rocket launch was amazing on Friday too. It totally changed my life. :)


That's all for now! Lots of Love, Hugs, Prayers and Kisses.

Stephanie. xo



And now, notes from R:

Here's the thing people. If you're reading this blog, chances are you have met Stephanie and care about her. I sure do. It pains me to read this blog because just 4 weeks in, it sounds scarily like she is throwing in the towel, giving up, after just 4 weeks. She needs encouragement and persuasion to stick it out. 4 weeks is a vacation, not a lifestyle change. She must stick it out, she MUST stick it out, she MUST stick it out. This is her best (and may be her only) shot. Also, I would like to add that these 4 weeks have gone amazingly well. Tomorrow is weigh-in day and she has continually lost every week, last week being her best. But she didn't come here to lose a few pounds; she came here to lose it ALL and start a new life because things weren't working well back in CT.

I understand homesicknesses, but it will pass. As a result, I think we need to work extra hard at getting Steph a job and getting her to go to school even if it means she just takes 1 class in the fall. In my mind, quitting now is not an option. Please hep me reiterate this to her, all of you that are following her progress and care for her.

Thank you!